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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
It’s a status….not your diary…
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.