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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.