Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
This status is mine....I licked it.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I’m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.