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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
Running behind is my cardio.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?