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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.