Daily Silly Status

When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.

You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.

I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.

Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi

I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.

Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by rolling my eyes when my wife asks me to move my feet while she vacuums.

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.

I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours

The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.

Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.

Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.

That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.

They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.