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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?