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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
You never realize what you have till its gone... Toilet paper is a good example.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.