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Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Your name should be Gelette because you`re the best a man can get
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.