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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.