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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Well, Thanks to SAMSUNG, flat screens are no longer `Flat`.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.