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What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.