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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.