Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.