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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.