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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re a terrible person and had it coming.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.