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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancee by the way he hasn`t murdered her