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I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!