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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.