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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth