Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.