Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?