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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.