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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Jesus is coming.... look busy
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.