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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Worry: a waste of imagination.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!