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The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
10 years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"