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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
“Was that lightning?” “No no…. they’re taking pictures for Google Earth..”
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.