Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops