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How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.