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Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.