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"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."