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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what