Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
If anyone has any terrible ideas, I`ve historically been very open to them.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
Line forms here for spankings
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…