Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.