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A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Wait...so the "c-word" isn`t co-worker?
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
This beer tastes like Iām going to text you later.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.