Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.