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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
I just ran a .003048K
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.