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I just made you think of an elephant
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.