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See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Warning: I just get weirder.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.