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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.