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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.