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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
My favorite beer is the next one.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.