Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
So far I`m 0 for 276 for walking around the block in hopes of finding a bag of money on the side of the road.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.