Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
I am the bestest at the English language...
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I know u r but what am I ?
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.