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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.