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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
My last post deserves WAY more likes than that....let`s go people....chop chop!
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
I had a very confident breakdown today. ...Wasn`t nervous at all. ;)