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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
It takes balls to be a man.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.