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Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.