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I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s