Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
I’m sad when my food is over.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.