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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman’s mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. F*cking. Time.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
The restraining order doesn`t mean we can`t hangout. It just says I can`t get within 50 ft of you. So you wanna play catch or frisbee or something?