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I wish more people were fluent in silence.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
"There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." Things I say to my kids when we`re in public.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5