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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"