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Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes