Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”