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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.
Barbie has an awful lot of things for a girl who`s knees don`t bend.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Being gay is fine. Being lesbian is fine. Being straight is fine. But do you know what’s not fine? Wearing crocs. That is NOT okay
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.