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I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
I love it when the person’s laugh is funnier than the actual joke.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed…. I miss teleporting. It never happens to me anymore.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
"Woo, I`m on a roll today, baby!" -butter
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.