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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Iβm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonightβ¦I got extra.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.