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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.