Daily Silly Status

Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

My gift horse is facing the wrong way

"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms

I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.

I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.

So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra

I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…

Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.

My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice

Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.

Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.

No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.