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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
“We don`t lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.