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At the end of the day, it`s 11:59pm.
take me drunk i`m home
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.