Daily Silly Status

You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!

I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.

You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.

The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.

I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.

I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...

Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.

I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me

Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.

I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice

The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.

Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.

WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.

I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?

Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.