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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That`s my dog. My dog does that.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"