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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying