Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...