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The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.