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It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson