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A recent survey revealed that 4 out of 5 women think I`m an a-hole...
My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!