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The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.