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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Haters are my motivators(:
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I`m just going to put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.