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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.