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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?