😄 Daily Silly Status
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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
only 9530 days until retirement.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.