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Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.
Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It`s Made" episode on babies.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
My cardio is shopping.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
insert coin to view my status
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"